Let’s say you have discovered some old sparks with your ex and want to reconcile. But when should you start dating again after a break up? Click now.
Who says breakups always end up nasty? Many still find some old fire burning within their hearts – even when both parties have parted ways for some time.
Still, we are certain no one wants a second breakup with the same person, which is why it’s a must to find the answer to this question: When should you start dating again after a break up with your old flame?
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Our insightful guide will dive further into this prevalent matter. Keep scrolling to ensure you and your ex (or ex-ex?) can walk towards a bright future hand in hand!
When Should You Start Dating Again After A Break Up With Your Ex
Deciding on a general calculation that fits every walk of life is impossible. However, these six pointers have proved quite practical for many couples, which is why we believe they might also work for you. Check them out!
1. You Have Learned Many Things About Yourself
We cannot specify a particular timeline for when to grieve your breakup, move on, reunite, and start dating again. Hence, take as much time as you need to work yourself through sadness and anger – whether it’s a few weeks, a month, or several years. Focus on yourselves and what you have drawn from the breakup instead of counting how many days have passed.
Experts all agree that reflecting on past mistakes can add a lot to your maturity. Once you are confident that some lessons have been learned, it’s time to go out there and open your heart again!
2. You Are Ready To Become A Great Partner
There’s no way you can concentrate on the present if bad memories still linger. Ensure you are ready before reaching out to the same person again. Learn how to forgive both yourself and your lover for all the hurt and disappointment back then.
The future ahead will be much more promising when you can learn to forget all the anger, doubts, resentments, and pain; and if you are afraid you cannot do so right away, at least start trying.
Appointments with therapists might be of help in these areas, so that you can devote the same energy to this second try – just like how you did the first time.
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3. You Like Being Alone
People often tell us that staying single is “terrible”, which is a toxic stereotype. Such a mentality will push you into the arms of your ex-lover before you truly feel ready.
Instead, give yourself some chances to take a few breaths first and fulfill other areas in your life. Go out with a few close friends, take new classes, start new hobbies, and only consider your love life as an afterthought. Once being alone no longer bothers you (and actually gives you some joy), congratulations; you are ready for another redo!
4. You Are Content With Yourself
Once again, we must stress that there’s no definitive time period between the breakup and your second dating. Let’s wait until you feel somewhat better and more confident before stepping back into those zones again.
Try your best to tackle any lingering insecurity while you are still single; otherwise, it might appear once more when you and your ex get back together (or even in other relationships). Learning how to overcome fear and self-consciousness only makes you stronger in the process.
And again, therapies might be your best bet here. Talking with your friends is also a nice idea.
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5. The Math Has Clicked
Some people rely on specific amounts of time after their breakup to consider dating exes again. Contrary to popular belief, that’s actually a nice idea if you are unsure about how you feel and need some outside help.
And yes, we did say that you don’t have to abide by any particular timeline, but some checkpoints to refer to are not bad, either.
Many professionals suggest solo time from 2 to 3 months for each year you two used to spend together. For instance, let’s say you were with him for four years; then reward yourself twelve months to heal. After that benchmark, double-check your mental state to assess whether you are ready to accept him again.
While such conclusions are not based on any actual study, experts believe those methods help keep better track of your emotional well-being.
6. The Voices Inside Your Head Are Urging You
This phenomenon is sometimes referred to as an “inner feeling” or the “sixth sense”. If these voices pop up often in your head – asking you to call him or send him a text message – it means you might be much more ready than expected. Be confident in your strength and take a leap!
Still, another tricky issue here is that there may be different kinds of “voices”; take caution and evaluate the reason behind those! Once you find out these voices stem from loneliness or desperation instead of self confidence, don’t listen to them. You might end up being scared and insecure again after another failure!
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How to Have A Successful Second Try With Your Ex
Getting a nod from your ex is terrific, but that alone cannot guarantee success. Follow these tips to ensure you will never lose that person ever again!
1. Concentrate On Your Life and Stay Aloof to Attract Them
We have mentioned this already, but it doesn’t hurt to bring it up again. Work on your personal goals, exercise regularly, and eat well. If your ex-boyfriend or girlfriend sees you in a better light, they might feel more open to getting back together, realizing what they have been missing all along!
On the other hand, reaching your ex at your lowest point only results in pity. Even a beggar doesn’t want that.
Also, do not text them incessantly or bombard messages via social media; they will feel overwhelmed! Instead, part ways for some time and only send a few lines every few weeks. Showing them how you can cope without their presence will draw them to you even more.
Read also: 8 Signs He’s Mr. Wrong
2. Tell Them Why You Wish For A Second Try
Many people view breakups as an absolute end, which is why your ex might be taken aback seeing you again. Hence, we suggest you sit him down and list all reasons why the relationship will be okay this time. Be ready to respond to some questions and inquiries from them!
You may say, “I know our past relationship was pretty tough. But in the past months, I have been working hard to fix all my terrible habits. I believe we could work it out together this time.”
An immediate “Yes” from your ex would be perfect. But in case they say no, don’t panic. Be a good listener and acknowledge their arguments to find the right solutions.
3. Share All The Relationships You Have Had During You Two’s Separation
Have you dated anyone else after splitting up with your ex? Let them know. And if your ex did the same, feel free to inquire more about that period. Of course, getting into specifics might be excessive, but you have the right to know about other flings and affairs that occurred during your breakup.
We know hearing all of that stuff can be quite hurtful. Still, it’s much better to learn about them now – rather than stay blindsided afterward.
Do not forget to consider their reactions. Does your boyfriend or girlfriend feel devastated that you didn’t wait for them? Then try your best to address those concerns and fears before reconciling. That smart move will keep future jealousy and doubts at bay!
4. Get Rid Of Your Past Problems
Avoid blaming each other for your tragic ending in the past. Address whatever issues still linger and strive to get rid of them instantly.
And no, do not just give him some empty words like “I will change” or “I will become better”; he has already heard that. Show him you can stay true to your promise and concentrate on doable steps that both of you can take.
Fighting each other about money in the past? Then tell them you can be more financially open to avoid surprises. Undergoing marriage conflicts? Agree to discuss and negotiate future plans for at least five years. Having trust issues? Ask each other to be 100% honest regardless of circumstances.
5. Take It Slow
No matter how much you two love each other, remember that this new relationship is exactly what it sounds like: a new phase. Even if both of you were engaged or living together back then, treat this second date as if you are getting it on with a new person. Such strategies also give you more time to correct negative issues that cause the breakup in the first place.
For those who used to live together, we recommend you stay in separate residences for several weeks or months – regardless of whether both of you have been officially back together or not.
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6. Never Mention The Breakups
Most importantly, do not bring up the breakup ever again. That experience was painful for everyone; your lover certainly doesn’t want you to remind them of it daily or whenever conflicts ensue.
Remember to focus on the present instead of drowning in past events and memories. No matter what led to the separation in the first place, make sure both of you have made peace with it. Otherwise, constantly bringing them up only hurts your partner even more.
The best way to let things sleep is to make new memories – rather than reliving the old ones. After all, being with the same person again can easily push you back into similar living patterns. To avoid that, always encourage your lover to try new things, keeping the relationship thrilling and fresh!
A simple example is to visit some new restaurants you have never set foot into, or plan a trip to a remote town none of you have ever heard of.
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After Breakups with Their Exes, Who Recovers Faster? Men or Women?
Though studies still show conflicts, most scientists and psychologists agree that women tend to receive the hardest blows. Both their emotional and physical pains reach higher levels than their male counterparts, which is why our articles often lean more toward women’s support. This one is by no means an exception.
However, surprisingly, it’s women who recover faster than men. With proper assistance and healing methods, they will be up and about in no time, ready to experience love again (not necessarily with their exes, but someone new).
On the other hand, men do not really acknowledge the absence of their lovers in the first few weeks. Such a loss only sinks into their mind sometime after that, making them yearn for love and affection. Thus, it’s pretty common that men reach out to their exes first.
My Ex Doesn’t Want to Date Me Again. Can We Still Be Friends?
Of course. Why not? They might still care deeply about you – not in the way you are hoping for, but that’s alright. Given that you yourself feel content with how things are now, it doesn’t hurt to stay in touch. Feel free to hang out sometime and bond over old memories!
Nevertheless, if the breakup leaves an immense trauma on you, maybe it’s time you say goodbye to them once and for all. A second try might do no good – except dig up emotional wounds and deepen your insecurity.
How Many Ex-Couples Have Successfully Reconciled?
40% of couples who have broken up decide to date each other again. And out of them, only 15% stay for marriage – according to some recent surveys. Still, numbers are just numbers; do not let them dictate what you should do.
“When should you start dating again after a break up?” is a burning question for those who cannot forget their previous relationships.
But no worries. Falling into your ex’s arms one more time is not as scary as it sounds, as long as you learn to leave old issues behind and strive towards the future. Be confident in your feelings, and feel free to turn to our help anytime you need it!