Making friends in adulthood is hard, or what we would call today, a scam. Statistically speaking, most of the “friends” who have betrayed each other became friends in adulthood.
Why is this so? Well, most adults have many of their life’s aspects figured out. So, unless you are bringing something to their table, there is no need to have you as their friend.
And the moment they get what they wanted from you! or discover other places, they can get the same thing, you will be dumped.
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It is good to understand this before you go on social media to blast people for being friends. Sometimes these “fake friends” try to show you in one way or another your place in their lives, but you are too naive to notice.
When someone calls you, only when they need help, that is not your friend. They are just someone you know or your acquaintance. I honestly have no issue with such people. You call me only when you have a problem, and I will decide if I should help or not.
Do you know why? Because it is their duty to survive or get themselves out of trouble, it is my duty to protect my space and avoid being used.
In my research on why making friends in adulthood is hard, I came up with two-phase of a human being’s growth process. I know. You can call me a genius. Thank you. so let us dive into these important phases.
PHASE 1: MORE GROWING LESS SETTLING (Making friends in childhood and young adulthood)
The first phase is the More growing, less settling phase. This is the phase where you are laying the foundations for your life. Probably you are in school. You are discovering your personality and sexuality.
At this age, you are more of an explorer and a risk-taker. You may be dating here and there but not ready for marriage. Also, you are figuring out which career path to pursue.
Amid this chaos, it is when you make genuine and lasting friendships. However, do not ignore the fact that you will encounter a few fake friends. Remember, there are always demons for each season. However, the people you manage to make your friends with during this phase will probably stick with you to the end.
Now, I will not put an age to the first phase of the growing process. We all mature differently based on our personalities, environment among other things. However, Psychology suggests that up to the age of 25, we are growing more than settling. At 25 is when our brain is fully developed.
PHASE 2: MORE SETTLING LESS GROWING
The other phase of the growth process is the More settling and less growing phase. Folks in this phase have their career paths coming about. They are moving out of their parent’s houses and looking to start their own families. They have this undying need to be independent.
This phase is demanding, I tell you! It needs your emotions, mind, money, energy and sometimes tears. And unfortunately, ladies and gentlemen, this is the stage you are likely to meet the fake friends you keep posting about on social media.
Actually, from my personal experience, I advise against making any new friends. Instead, make acquaintances have a good relationship with your colleagues and neighbors. Sometimes take those road trips and hikes with them. But, never bring them too deep into your space.
Furthermore, did you know you are the fake friend in someone else’s story? The thing is, during this phase, everyone is busy settling down. They don’t have the time or are even mentally capable of dealing with friendship drama.
Suppose I have to make new friends at this point in my life! I will go for someone who will bring something to my table. It would be best if you did the same too.
Also, do not shy away from cutting ‘fake friends” out of your life. If you feel used, disrespected, or that situation is toxic to you, let them go—no time to waste on unnecessary friendship drama in adulthood.